Old Puggy Mearns – By Ralph McTell
(A Big Thank You to JJ for these lyrics)

Old Puggy Mearns was born in a coal mine
Damp dark noise level
Holler and shout
North south east
Without a pick or shovel
His teeth went west when he gnawed his way out

Old Puggy Mearns works in the coal hole
Cobble clatter shovel splatter
All night long
Sunshine moonlight
It really doesn't matter
If you can't see the present and the past's all gone

Old Puggy Mearns had a dad who was a sewer rat
Slimy slithery
His mother was a mole
Great big hands
With skin all leathery
Handy sort of grabs when you're shovelling coal

Old Puggy Mearns never has his klobbah washed
Squeak squelch rustle bustle
Smelly old clothes
When he sits down
Little clouds of dust'll
Rise from his collar and vanish up his nose

Old Puggy Mearns if you ever tried to bath him
Slop slurp fizz bubble
He's bound to have a fit
Wright's Coal Tar
Wouldn't get you out of trouble
Blocking up the plug hole with his sludge and grit

Old Puggy Mearns has never ate an apple yet
Sucks on a lump of coal
Before he starts
Coal dust breakfast
Coke in the sugar bowl
Breath like an ash tray and smokey old farts

Old Puggy Mearns has got a dirty old woman
Sits in the corner
Smells like the drains
She has to look at him
He's never seen her
He keeps the pound notes she gives the change

Old Puggy Mearns aint got a proper ear
Waxed up sooty little
Hole in his head
Deaf as a slag heap
Oil black dribble spittle
Burn him in the fireplace when he's dead.